so its a talk about what i really wanted and being stuck with what i'm contented with.
but what happens if everybody got what they wanted in life?
will there still be complications?

example;
she's wanted him for the longest time.
but all she has now is someone not even close.
will she sacrifice everything to get the person she wated most or sacrifice what she wants to stay with that someone she already has so as not to break his heart.

i hate problems and complications.
i'm serious.
but if that was me.
i think i wouldnt know what to do.
i wouldnt know who to give up.
i'm sure everyone says to go and get what you want cause it will make you happy.
but then what about the someone you're with?
sacrifice him?
for yourself?
for what you want?
is it right?
yeah.
i guess thats the ultimate question.
is it right?
that you go breaking someones heart so as to get what you want to make yourself happy and make someone else miserable.
you call that morally right?
or did you leave your morals for good?


im so sick its not even funny.
it hurts to even breathe.
its like a knife stabbing me over and over again.
i couldn't even get out of bed.
now nessa, go land yourself somewhere you hate the most.
and not work at all.
i bet you're going to be terminated.
for no show.


school is starting soon.
first lesson of the whole academic year,
biochemistry.
hopefully i can understand whats going on during class.
just hopefully.


so i went back to church last saturday.
but i felt like an alien.
yeah.
like i know nothing about whats going on.
jared was being the sweetheart as usual.
amanada and audrey functioned as normal.
yeah.
everyone and everything can function without me.
so its okay.
i should just be a good catholic and go for mass.
and be a saturday catholic.
i can't be who i used to be.
because i've got too many committments now.
and i suck at having too many committments.
and the only way to get my life the way i want it.
it to take it a step at a time.


i dont derserve all the blame.
you know i dont.
the ony way it failed was cause it wasn't meant to be.
and you know it.


coffeebean bbq next week.
hopefully i can go.
but i dont know how i'm going to survive.